Maura Murray

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FrmLE

Vero Beach, FL

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#21283
Jun 7, 2012
 

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My experience in handling suicides, both attempts as well as deaths, is that things rarely make sense. I think it is a mistake to attribute certain things Maura did prior to the accident, such as removing $280 or getting gas or gathering the insurance paperwork, to evidence that she would not have killed herself. In real life it just doesn't seem to ever be that neat and tidy.

Look at the suicide of Junior Seau, the football player. Nothing he did prior to shooting himself gave any indication of what he would do. It usually does not make sense to anyone other than the person feeling the pain, grief, despair.

One absolute thing I learned in my life and career as a cop is that NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IS DEEP INSIDE ANOTHER PERSONS SOUL.

Even your spouse or lover, best friend, son or daughter, no matter how well we know someone we will never know what goes on deep inside their heart and mind.

That is the absolute truth.

Since: Nov 08

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#21284
Jun 7, 2012
 

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FrmLE wrote:
My experience in handling suicides, both attempts as well as deaths, is that things rarely make sense. I think it is a mistake to attribute certain things Maura did prior to the accident, such as removing $280 or getting gas or gathering the insurance paperwork, to evidence that she would not have killed herself. In real life it just doesn't seem to ever be that neat and tidy.
Look at the suicide of Junior Seau, the football player. Nothing he did prior to shooting himself gave any indication of what he would do. It usually does not make sense to anyone other than the person feeling the pain, grief, despair.
One absolute thing I learned in my life and career as a cop is that NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IS DEEP INSIDE ANOTHER PERSONS SOUL.
Even your spouse or lover, best friend, son or daughter, no matter how well we know someone we will never know what goes on deep inside their heart and mind.
That is the absolute truth.
Amen to that.

How often do you see on TV a close friend, or relative saying how this or that person could never have done a certain thing. Only to find out with certainty that they did do it.

We learn repeatedly that the family is often remarkably wrong when it comes to what someone is physically and emotionally capable of doing. People have drives, reserves and demons that no one but they know about and they often share it with no one. And I often think that even the person her/himself don't always know what they are capable of.

Bill

Since: Feb 12

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#21285
Jun 7, 2012
 

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FrmLE wrote:
My experience in handling suicides, both attempts as well as deaths, is that things rarely make sense. I think it is a mistake to attribute certain things Maura did prior to the accident, such as removing $280 or getting gas or gathering the insurance paperwork, to evidence that she would not have killed herself. In real life it just doesn't seem to ever be that neat and tidy.
Look at the suicide of Junior Seau, the football player. Nothing he did prior to shooting himself gave any indication of what he would do. It usually does not make sense to anyone other than the person feeling the pain, grief, despair.
One absolute thing I learned in my life and career as a cop is that NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT IS DEEP INSIDE ANOTHER PERSONS SOUL.
Even your spouse or lover, best friend, son or daughter, no matter how well we know someone we will never know what goes on deep inside their heart and mind.
That is the absolute truth.
Look at you scoring those hearts. Do you think that maybe that is why the father gave you guys such a hard time? Maybe his coping mechanism was to think that it was foul play. Suicide victims families and friends are hit with guilt as if it was their fault.
FrmLE

Vero Beach, FL

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#21286
Jun 7, 2012
 

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Lighthouse 101 wrote:
<quoted text>
Look at you scoring those hearts.
I feel so warm and fuzzy, anyone need a hug? lol
Lighthouse 101 wrote:
<quoted text> Do you think that maybe that is why the father gave you guys such a hard time? Maybe his coping mechanism was to think that it was foul play. Suicide victims families and friends are hit with guilt as if it was their fault.
Ummm, that's a really good question. I have to say that I was aware of the 'difficulty' that Fred gave investigators, I really was not involved with the case during those years as I was in a totally different job. My exposure came from those times that I went downstairs at Troop F and would see the Detectives pained looks as they dealt with the case and all the fallout from Fred's behavior. I do not have first hand experience from that time frame.

However, I have worked many cases similar enough to know that the grief, anger, and literal torture that victims families go through is something that none of us can possibly fathom. As a Father myself I can't even imagine the Hell this man lives in.

That being said, I will agree that the way he acted was at least in part due to his grief and the absence of answers about what happened to his daughter. I give him alot of leeway considering his loss. However it surely didn't make the case easy to investigate, in my opinion.

My gut has always told me that he carries enormous grief from his loss, and he also is overwhelmed with Guilt for whatever he believes he did that may have been responsible for Maura's dissapearance. I think the combination of grief, loss, and guilt was what caused him to act the way he did.

Just my opinion.
JWB

Portland, ME

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#21287
Jun 7, 2012
 

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FrmLE wrote:
<quoted text>
I feel so warm and fuzzy, anyone need a hug? lol
<quoted text>
Ummm, that's a really good question. I have to say that I was aware of the 'difficulty' that Fred gave investigators, I really was not involved with the case during those years as I was in a totally different job. My exposure came from those times that I went downstairs at Troop F and would see the Detectives pained looks as they dealt with the case and all the fallout from Fred's behavior. I do not have first hand experience from that time frame.
However, I have worked many cases similar enough to know that the grief, anger, and literal torture that victims families go through is something that none of us can possibly fathom. As a Father myself I can't even imagine the Hell this man lives in.
That being said, I will agree that the way he acted was at least in part due to his grief and the absence of answers about what happened to his daughter. I give him alot of leeway considering his loss. However it surely didn't make the case easy to investigate, in my opinion.
My gut has always told me that he carries enormous grief from his loss, and he also is overwhelmed with Guilt for whatever he believes he did that may have been responsible for Maura's dissapearance. I think the combination of grief, loss, and guilt was what caused him to act the way he did.
Just my opinion.
I agree with you about Fred dealing with Guilt and grief with the loss of his daughter must be unbearable and alot of leeway should be given to someone in that position. That being said, that is why I could never understand the Fred bashing that has gone on in this forum by some. Try putting yourself in his position and understand why he may have acted the way he was said to have.

The poster that trashed Fred because their dog went through the glass is just absurd and in my opinion a very selfish take on the situation. Broken glass or Missing daughter-IF you could choose one, which one would you choose?
Shack

Groton, MA

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#21288
Jun 7, 2012
 

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JWB, Frmle, lighthouse...YES !!!
FrmLE

Vero Beach, FL

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#21289
Jun 7, 2012
 

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Well, I should clarify that based on my experience dealing with grief stricken parents I give Fred alot of leeway, however that does not mean I give him a pass.

The thing to remember is the people whose property he trampled on probably didn't have a clue about Fred, Maura, or the case at all. All they know is some guy was tresspassing on their property and causing them alot of aggravation. They did not have the benefit of perspective nor was it their job to sympathize with victims of crimes.

I still think his behavior was suspect, over the top and counterproductive, but since I can not possibly understand what he was going through I try to give as much leeway as possible.

I will leave it at that.

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#21290
Jun 7, 2012
 

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JWB wrote:
<quoted text>Broken glass or Missing daughter-IF you could choose one, which one would you choose?
This is a ridiculous premise. So by your thinking, if the broken glass severed someones limb they would still be ahead on the balance sheet compared to a lost daughter, correct?

This is seriously broken thinking. He had no business being on someones property without permission. Period!

And FrmLE, you were shacks hero for almost an hour. Till you clarified. 8-) I suspect your back to being on her crap list again. That's OK. Your in excellent company.

Bill
jwb

Lincoln, NH

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#21291
Jun 7, 2012
 

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FrmLE wrote:
Well, I should clarify that based on my experience dealing with grief stricken parents I give Fred alot of leeway, however that does not mean I give him a pass.
The thing to remember is the people whose property he trampled on probably didn't have a clue about Fred, Maura, or the case at all. All they know is some guy was tresspassing on their property and causing them alot of aggravation. They did not have the benefit of perspective nor was it their job to sympathize with victims of crimes.
I still think his behavior was suspect, over the top and counterproductive, but since I can not possibly understand what he was going through I try to give as much leeway as possible.
I will leave it at that.
Why the need to clarify? Is it because I agreed with your statement? Nobody said anything about a free pass. I don't think Fred ever crossed the line. Fred said what he felt and who can blame him for feeling the way he did.Who are we to judge unless you are in that position? I just don't get how anyone can judge him for any actions as he was obviously frantic-in despair and heartbroken. What did Fred do wrong ? Say LE was not doing enough? The man was feeling helpless and nobody was communicating to him what was being done. Saying a local dirt bag harmed her? So what there are dirt bags everywhere including where I live. Why get so defensive about that? I just don't get it at all! I don't want to hear about Helena and her forume because (if some posters) here got kicked off her site. Based on the way that you act here then you deserve it.
jwb

Lincoln, NH

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#21292
Jun 7, 2012
 

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WTH-the-original wrote:
<quoted text>
This is a ridiculous premise. So by your thinking, if the broken glass severed someones limb they would still be ahead on the balance sheet compared to a lost daughter, correct?
This is seriously broken thinking. He had no business being on someones property without permission. Period!
And FrmLE, you were shacks hero for almost an hour. Till you clarified. 8-) I suspect your back to being on her crap list again. That's OK. Your in excellent company.
Bill
Did it? lets not go overboard Billy Boy were limbs severed ?
jwb

Lincoln, NH

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#21293
Jun 7, 2012
 

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ha Bill puts more weight on a dumb dog freeking out than a missing Girl. That says Volumes of who you are Bill.
jwb

Lincoln, NH

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#21294
Jun 7, 2012
 

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Bill you are a shallow Human being at best
jwb

Lincoln, NH

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#21295
Jun 7, 2012
 

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I was actually impressed with FRMLEE today. He has a heart and character that I never saw before. You on the other hand have no compassion for others and that is a real ugly trait to have.
Karnak

Lincoln, NH

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#21296
Jun 7, 2012
 

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Karnak: Envelope please

Answer: Bi Polar and no meds

question: What is Bills problem
Karnak

Lincoln, NH

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#21297
Jun 7, 2012
 

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Karnak:envelope please

answer: Judging behind the scenes

question: where is Snowy Lynne White
GrampaMo

Newark, NY

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#21298
Jun 7, 2012
 

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jwb wrote:
ha Bill puts more weight on a dumb dog freeking out than a missing Girl. That says Volumes of who you are Bill.
Are you saying that if I have a missing child then that gives me a free pass to break the law, be rude and insulting and the right to disrespect the people that live there by trespassing on their land without their permission? You haven't done your homework if you think no wrong was done. Keep reading....backwards till you find it.
JWB

Lincoln, NH

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#21299
Jun 7, 2012
 

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ya know Bill, I tend to see the good in everyone no matter what but you make it very challenging to do that- this is truly a game for you isn't it. You just hate when people agree. Pathetic dude- you need a cranium check.
JWB

Lincoln, NH

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#21300
Jun 7, 2012
 

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GrampaMo wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you saying that if I have a missing child then that gives me a free pass to break the law, be rude and insulting and the right to disrespect the people that live there by trespassing on their land without their permission? You haven't done your homework if you think no wrong was done. Keep reading....backwards till you find it.
who was rude and insulting? You have got to be nuts are you from RI or Mass? are you serious? a father looking for his missing daughter? what is wrong with you? get off your ass and help and stop bitchin. you are lucky you are not missing your family member. get real
JWB

Lincoln, NH

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#21301
Jun 7, 2012
 

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yea dumb dog trumps a missing girl every time. How pathetic- oh boy my glass is broken and it is so much worse than what that dad is going through and they don't understand me? Why?
JWB

Lincoln, NH

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#21302
Jun 7, 2012
 

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GrampaMo wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you saying that if I have a missing child then that gives me a free pass to break the law, be rude and insulting and the right to disrespect the people that live there by trespassing on their land without their permission? You haven't done your homework if you think no wrong was done. Keep reading....backwards till you find it.
I am saying relax and put it intp perspective and realize that poor man is suffering 10X more than your dog.

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